Talia is 6 no wait 7 months old

Hi!

Yes the time is forever rushing forward and now my little girl has passed half of her first year of life. She is a chunky bubbly happy baby! No teeth have made their appearance though we have had plenty of runny nose and moody days to boot. She is sitting up strong and can go onto her belly, roll over and is trying the crawling thing but mostly ends up shuffling backwards which frustrates her so much as she puts herself out of reach of the toy she wants.

She is still a mummy girl and lights my day when I go in to pick her up for a nap or when we are shopping and she begging to be taken out of the trolley. She is tolerance of her many brothers and sisters who constantly vi for her attention but sometimes lets them know to just leave her alone. Following advice from my sister with twins  I began settling her around 5 months to sleep on her own and it has worked out a treat. She is waking at 7am and feeding and is down around 9am then up again at 11am and down at 1pm and then up until bedtime at 7pm. She has a 'dream feed' yes that is real and very helpful thing at 11pm but stays down and only needs about 2 'put the dummy back in' and shhh shhhhs and so we are both getting a lot of much needed catch up sleep. On Mondays, Thursday and Fridays when the others are in school we do fun things together like shop, go out to eat or sometimes just wash and fold laundry. She doesn't seem to mind and enjoys anything as long as I am in the room. Several times I have found she will roll over and over to get close to me while I am doing my day to day stuff.

She enjoys the water and loves to put anything straight into her mouth. He taking to solids as far as I can remember is the best of the lot. She started out eating a TBSP each meal and is now up to 1 pouch her meal. She doesn't gag and even without teeth she figures out away to get bread, nuggets, eggs and other foods down. Her pinch reflex is very advanced and I am constantly telling her to tell her spirit to slow down because it is more advanced than her human body age (insert giggle here).

All in all she is a little darling and we love our chunky face so much <3 p="">

Sometimes the heavy is real...

So right now the heavy is real.
I am a parent to 5 children and currently this is my life.

Monday Rawiri was sick with vomiting.
Wednesday Hinalei had ballet and a choir performance.
Tuesday/Wednesday Talia has had conjunctivitis
Wednesday Joseph started vomiting to. Thats 4 out of 5 that have had it now. 
Wednesday I made cinnamon rolls to sell so I could drive down to Taranaki to support the 1st birthday of my sisters twins because she moved 3 months ago but I need her to know we still have her back.
I was away from Talia for 4 hours to support Hinalei and her choir effort
Joseph vomited 2 times while I was gone and is warm to the touch.
I haven't made it to exercise because of my well children which means I have put them first over and over this week and missed my time to breathe, exercise and let it be about for an hour a day.

Sometimes the heavy is real.
I pray for my sister in law to get pregnant.
I worry for a different sister in law who is pregnant and has a 5 month old.
Collectively these are all small things but together they are heavy.

Do I wanna see Rawiri 5 heading off to school everyday 5 days a week. Yes! but No. I still can smell his baby smell and hear his cry and remember his dependance on me for the first 6 months of his life. I remember his 1st birthday which I way over did and then all of his subsequence McDonalds birthdays because that is what he asks for.

Tonight Talia sat up in her bath and splashed and there in my mind is the image of each of my five children reaching this milestone, sitting and splashing in the bath and now they are 8, 6, 5 and 3. Talia is six months but man is growing fast. 
Lennie is using full sentences and is sassy as heck but still wants a dummy and cuddles and to steal snacks from the fridge.
Joseph hates being sick. He is so use to following a set of his own rules and sickness means he cannot control whats going on or whats happening. Everything just comes to a halt and he stares at me as if to say why?
Hinalei is so full of ambition and confidence and so I try to nurture that while ignoring the enormous strain it puts on our budget so that she knows we have her back.

All of this is heavy.
But it is a good heavy.
A grateful heavy.
A heavy I don't wanna trade because its my heavy.

So while it feels very real and full and heavy thats OK.

Give yourself grace

In my prayers last night I was struggling to explain to the Lord that my relationship with my errr 3 year old was not good. I was tired of being a grumpy mother and feeling like I was constantly disciplining her only to find her later repeating the same thing. So I went to bed hoping to get a good night sleep. BUT in reality my little five month old decided she wanted to switch the day and night around and from about 2:40am till 5:20am she was wide awake and a box full of birds. I had just recently read an article about a mother who struggled for 9 months with getting her baby to sleep through the night only to be told by a doctor that some babies just take longer and that she was in fact doing nothing wrong. The lady talked about how much she treasured the time from then on snuggling and cuddling with her baby at night time knowing that she had done everything right and that this too shall pass. So for me last night ended up being time to play and cuddle and kiss and love on my little 5 month old knowing that she is in fact a wonderful little sleeper and perhaps she just needed it. I gave her grace, after all I could do I allowed her and myself to have grace and to let things come what may and you know what after one final nurse she went off to sleep and stayed down until 8am.

However it was in these wee hours... and I know I have heard it before that the wee hours are the best for inspiration that the Lord whispered to me that I have to give my 3 year old the same grace. After all I thought isn't that what I am asking for every time I make a mistake everyday? Isn't the Lord a lot like me - asking me to please behave, to stop the curse words in my head when I drive, or those ones that slip out around the kids, or the times I don't serve even though I know its the right thing to do but how with my plate so full? Am I not asking him to accept me. So in those wee hours I realised that I need to give my 3 year old grace, to let her make some mistakes over and over and keep guiding her and leading her (much like my Heavenly Father does with me) and over time it will change. Isn't it wonderful? The power of prayer to one mother in one corner of  the globe who is struggling and he will answer you. It will probably mean work - I mean this is something I am going to have to practice at for the next several weeks but I know this is the answer for me and miss 3. So give yourself some grace, with mothering, with being a wife, with finances, with scripture study or your calling or your weight loss. Allow yourself and others room to make mistakes and see where it takes you when you are not trying to control the situation.

Biggest Loser____journey back

In March 2016 I miscarriaged at 12 weeks. I was weighing in around the 115kg mark. All thoughts of keeping healthy went out the window. I ate my feelings of sadness, confusion and disappointment. Fast forward to August 2016 when we found out we were expecting another baby. I was so so happy but then got on the scales. I was weighing in at 133kg. I had never in my life ever been that heavy on the scales or even close.

In fact in 2015 when I started the Cohens diet I was 118kg and felt that was close to the heaviest I had ever been. So here I was pregnant with a high BMI. I knew the pregnancy was going be hard and that besides eating healthy and walking I couldn't even think about weight loss anymore. So I did the very best I could to avoid putting on weight while pregnant. My weight before delivery was 146.6kg. During my pregnancy I had to do two glucose test, multiple blood draws, several visits with North Shore Hospital OBGYN department and even got told that I should definitely have an epidural for delivery because if not I would probably die if I needed an emergency C-section. Well (and thankfully) my beautiful daughter was born without any interventions on May 7th.

On May 14th - feeling like a super women and full of endorphins after giving birth I got on the scales. 140.6kg. I was a little disappointed I had not uh expelled more weight from delivery but nevertheless the cloud of my miscarriage, the joy of my daughter being born meant I had a new determination to begin working my way back down the scales. I set myself small steps along the way to achieve. My biggest obstacles were my husbands and I late night takeaway purchases, my constant need to have a block of chocolate in the house, my fear of exercising on hills that sent me out of breathe so easily. Then when I was 8 weeks postpartum my sister and her husband invited us to join a biggest loser. I was fearful of joining because I was breastfeeding and could not really restrict my calories but having heard that you can lose weight from breastfeeding I felt if I could just cut out all the crap eating maybe just maybe it could work. My husband was keen to join and so RELUCTANTLY I joined. I had very little expectations and seriously thought I would just go up and down but really not lose much at all as I was not going to do anything to jeopardise my milk supply for my baby girl. My weight on weigh in day was 136.9kg.

Our approach was simple..... small, even meger changes. The first week was simply not to buy takeaways at night. Here I was thinking I would have no trouble with it and that I would have to support my husband but man was I so wrong. Instead he has surprised me over and over having to be the one to tell me NO! I found an APP called the 30 day fitness challenge. It has been so good for us. The goal is slowly building up strength over time so each week the amount of exercises increases. We exercise together each night after the kids are in bed and it is so so good mentally and helps curb all the late night hunger. We are not perfect. We have still purchased late night takeaways but we keep sticking to our goals of small steps big changes over time. We are trying to achieve something for a lifetime and instead of beating ourselves up and throwing in the towel we actually just keep going, keep eating healthy, keep trying to make the small changes that will mean big changes in the long term.

This morning I got on the scales and saw 129.8kgs. I have finally gotten out of the 130s. I vow, hope, scream, rejoice and commit to never ever return to those numbers again. I have started to post some of my journey on FB. I didn't think much of it but the response from friends and family has been overwhelming and so so motivating. In 2015 when I did Cohens I did not post one single time. How dumb is that? I lost 26kgs but not once did I share my progress publicly. I have no idea what shame or fear was holding me back from rejoicing but I did and it is something that I really regret. My husband says I should start a blog on my journey or an instagram or something for people to follow and I may start doing that, or I may not and just continue to share updates as I want to. To date I have not had a gain week - I have during the time lost only a meger 100g but it was a loss and a LOSS is a LOSS. Also I have owned every time I have indulged in the yummy stuff because I don't ever wanna get to a place where I don't eat chocolate or cake or KFC. I like those things, they make me happy but I want to get to a place where they are apart of my life but not the MAIN part of my life.

 
The point of all of this is to say that you can do it so slowly. There is a quote I love that say something along the lines of it doesn't matter how slow you are going you are still lapping everybody on the couch. I also love - there is no such thing as a bad workout. This is a slow progress. Heck I have given birth to 5 kids so all that weight aint gonna go away over night because it wasn't overnight that I gained but all I need it is commitment and TIME. So heres to using time to get to where I want to go and to keeping it at small steps = big changes.

Talia - 3 months old

Talia is 3 months old! I feel we have finally made the transition to a family of 7. We are busy and it is continuously a working progress Talia definitely has added so much light, love and happiness to our family. Her siblings adore her, love to hold, carry and serve her and she gives them plenty of smiles for all of their work. Talia is weighing in at a healthy 7.07kg which is equal to about 15.6lbs. She is a long 62cms and is wearing 3-6 month clothes.  She is smiley and loves to coo and talk. She still hates her car seat but loves to be carried in her front pack. She is a diligent breastfeeder about every 3 -4 hours or she will let me know she isn't happy. Her lung capacity is still as strong as ever and makes me laugh that at #5 I have this loud crier when none of the others were ever this loud at the same age. She is already sleeping through the night from about 10pm till 7am. I am so grateful for this even though I still get plenty of bedtime visitors. 

All the other children keep us busy too. Hinalei has been practising hard for her ballet exams which she will sit this week. Joseph has completed his 6 weeks in casting for his left leg. We will be going back in 3 months to see how it is doing. Rawiri is only months away from beginning primary school and yet still hates going to 3 days of school. Lennie has starting going to preschool 2 days a week full time on Mondays and Fridays. She loves it and it is good for her carefree personality and social self too.  

Joe and I are apart of a biggest loser competition. We are currently coming last but actually have lost the most weight and we have been diligent about exercising every night. It has been really great for our relationship especially to work on a goal together and support one another. 

 Shy girl! 

 Big smiles

 12 weeks and ready for Stake Conference

 Joseph is always carrying her around or asking to burp her

 Walking home from preschool

 Out on date night with the parents

 TOFIGA show

 Handsome Joseph and Rawiri got haircuts

 Pretty in church

Peaceful chubby feed baby girl

Talia is 1 month old

Happy 1 month to our daughter Talia. Adjusting to #5 children! Man where to begin... actually to be  honest we are still adjusting. The kids are doing so well adjusting to having a sister. My recovery has been up and down and I have had to really slow my pace and life down and be okay with saying no a lot more for a lot longer while we adjust to our new little one. Everyday I have tried to treat it like a new day, not comparing it to the previous day and instead saying this is day 6 or day 15 or day 21 and then being ok that whatever comes that day we will get through it.

Something that has really helped this time around was to do freezer meals before hand. Having them and being able to just pop them in the oven was very helpful. The Relief Society sisters in my ward brought meals for a week after Joe returned to work (after only 1 week...boo hoo) and that also was so helpful so that I didn't have to worry about cooking etc for the first couple of weeks. It is still hard to fit everything in and I am trying to make sure I am sharing my time between all my kids and also not to be to tired or to stressed out. I am not always succeeding but like I said above we are still finding our balance. Even Joe and I are still adjusting to our new life. I mean 5 kids is a lot of kids, if he takes out 3 kids I still have 2 at home or if he takes our 4 I still have 1 at home. He was sick on 3 week so I took all 5 to church (thankfully we are in the same ward as my parents and 2 sisters so I had helping hands) but I did feel a little overwhelmed by the fact I had 5 to keep my 2 eyes on. So yes it is an adjustment but a good exciting and welcome adjustment. I am just so glad she is on the outside and not on the inside anymore.

Talia is demand feeding every 3 to 4 hours and she is gaining weight beautifully. I am constantly reading and watching youtube clips to ensure she is doing a good latch so I can to the best of me avoid mastitis and enjoy breastfeeding. She can be a slow nurser at times and my flow is still over the top right now so we are both doing the best. She is very gassy but that can be a result of my overflow of milk because she has to gulp so fast so again we are adjusting. She is a great sleeper once she goes down, is fine with noise like the kids, the vacuum or Gilmore girls (yay!) and she is just a little darling to stare at and cuddle. Her favourite positions are on your shoulder or on your chest. Doesn't really like being side rocked. She has taken quite quickly to the dummy which is nice when I know she has had both sides or when we are in the car. She has done a couple of 5 hour stretches during the night which helps me out a lot! Her birth weight was 3.650kgs or 8lbs and at her last weight in she was 4.850kgs or 10.7lbs so she definitely is getting plenty of milk.

She is my first winter baby which has mean that I am ensuring her room is a good temperature, that we dress her in warm but breathable clothing and use breathable blankets. For now it feels like we are doing okay and our winter hasn't gotten terribly cold yet. It is funny to think my sister in law in Utah who had a baby 2 days after me has a summer baby! 

 Hospital - Day 1

 Hospital day 2

 Cuddles with big brother Joseph

 Yay the milk is in!

 Sleepy Talia

 My pretty bow from Aunty Nic

 Wide eyed Talia

 Trying out Nans new couch

 Cuddles with Hinalei before Ballet

 Grandpas birthday - Talia fit in his tool box 

 Sleeping in her bassinet

 Talias favourite sleeping position on mummys chest

 Not more pictures mum! - Why so serious Talia?

Tali and big brother Rawiri

Talia is born! 7 May 2017!

Welcome to the world, Talia!

Talia was born at 2:40am, Sunday, seventh of May 2017. Her birth weight was exactly 8lbs. By my in-laws observation, her facial features are distinctly Savaiinaea meaning that she looks the most Samoan out of all our kids. She's got a full head of hair like her big sister Hinalei. She has long legs, lips like her brother Rawiri and dimples like her dad and brother Joseph-Hall. In her first 24 hours, she's established that her favorite thing to do is eat. She's cluster feeding a lot and shows no signs of slowing down. Maybe she's trying to catch up to her cousins that were born more than 6 months ago (David and Sarah) and one cousin last week (Eve)!

Talia has a very strong voice (her cry gets louder than any of our other babies) so it stands to reason that she has powerful lungs too. She's got long slender fingers and toes.

The last few days prior to Talia's birth have been full of "stop-start-stop" contractions for Danielle. Without fail, contractions would come, and inexplicably stop again.

Danielle jumping in:
Our home teachers the Perichs came over for a visit. We love visiting with them. I asked Bronson and Joe to give me a blessing for my induction the next day. The blessing was beauitful. Filled with so much that extended beyond my asking for a blessing to help me with the induction the next day. I will keep it to myself but I do believe it allowed me to relax and really open my mind and body up from all the fear that may have been causing me to hold back and to just have faith all would be well and to trust my instincts.

Saturday, 6 May 2017. 9pm

The contractions have begun again. Is it another false alarm? We're unsure.

Saturday, 6 May 2017. 11:39pm

The contractions have come on a lot stronger now. They're feeling a lot more real now, but we hold back our excitement because of the false alarms we've previously had. Danielle's really focused on her breathing.

Sunday, 7 May 2017. 12:56am

When Danielle says she wants to call Matty (midwife) and her mum, I recognize that these are real labour contractions and baby wants to make her entrance! As soon as mum arrives, we leave for the Hospital and let Matty and Nicola (who told Jenna) know to meet us there.

Sunday, 7 May 2017. 1:30am

Danielle takes over narration:

My mum is driving like fast and the furious and I am just trying to stay relaxed and breath through the contractions and hope that they don't fizzle out the moment we walk through the maternity ward doors. After arriving safely at the hospital every person we came across on the way to the ward opened doors or held elevators or pushed buttons for us. It was so kind. When we got to our room they gave us the same room we had Lennie in and also that Eve was born in 11 days previous. It was very surreal to think that we would be in the same room. So many things then seemed similar. Mum was parking the car and I was still contracting. Because of my c section with Hinalei they needed to put a line in my hand however by now my contractions are coming about every 2 mins so I wasn't giving them a lot of time to get the line in and they were constantly having to start over. I ended up being stuck 4 different times between the time we arrive and giving birth. Matty was trying to tell them that I would probably have the baby before they got it in but they were not taking the hint.

Anyway after about 3 contractions my waters broke! I have waited 5 births for it to happen and to understand the gush etc and it just feels like a lot of warm liquid making your way down your legs. So I knew that we were not going anywhere and that just like Lennies it was about to get tough. I started getting shakey legs and needed something to help me because the contractions were coming so close together. Matty gave me the mouth piece of gas and air to bite down on which really helped and mum and Joe were rubbing my back. Finally (probably 10 minutes later) Matty asked if we should check me. I felt like I must at least be an 8 or close because they were so intense already but I was a 6. She said that my waters were green which was normal for me being 4 days overdue but that we would need to monitor babys heart beat and so she put a clip on her head to monitor everything. However hearing this created a pretty big mental block for me, because of the intensity they were coming I was like Oh no! I have ages to go and these are painful. Very painful and I am trying to breathe through them but my back is hurting. So I decided to ask for the gas and air because I had actually never tried it before and needed something to get me through. The gas and air does take the edge off but not off the back pain and you can inhale to much that you start to float away, or at least for me personally that is what it felt like. Its hard to describe in words how much pain was in my back because I labor so hard in my back and yet my head was so floaty. I did 2 contractions lying down but man did that hurt like nothing else so I decided to turn over and be on my knees with the bed upright. The last time I saw on the clock before turning over was 2:10am... I was wondering where my sisters were.

Matty told me not to push but that I should trust my instincts. I should pause here and mention that trusting my instincts played a big role in the whole birth. I literally had to trust myself when I started contractions at 9pm on May 6th, I had to trust myself when I decided these were the real thing and called my mum and told Matty we were going in  and I am so glad I did! Matty said I was 6 but was very soft and said I could get to a 10 quite quickly. Now this is were my story goes very inside myself. When I got onto my knees I literally felt my pelvic or womb or body open up and I could feel her entire body moving down. However I knew I should not push BUT  honestly my body was going through huge stretches (like opening me up) in a short amount of time. I am sorry if this doesn't make sense to anyone but to me it is how I can think to describe it. What I had to work out was how to keep control of my breathing without being totally dependent on the gas and air and yet manage the pain in my back through breathing, long and strong breaths. The following bullet points I think make more sense for this part of my story.

* I lost control after 2 contractions of my body pushing baby down because it was so strong and fast yet I knew I shouldn't push, I remember moaning, groaning and screaming. My mum and possibly Matty said to me "Hey! Get it together! Breathe! Breathe, use the gas and just breathe. You can do this, you are my master breather." In my own head I felt myself say - Hey you don't scream! You get it together. I finally realized I could use my tongue to block the gas but still bite or breathe on the mouth piece. So I tried really hard to focus on this although now the counter pressure wasn't making much of difference (sorry Joe and mum!)

* I started to do a deep deep moan and block the gas during the less pain and use it during the peak of the contractions. I know I probably moaned or groaned pretty loudly during this time but I don't totally remember because I was focused on what was happening inside me. (This is what I consider the 2-4 contractions of transition). I could hear people telling me to take a break from the gas between contractions but I didn't think I was actually having a break it was all sort of just one after the other bringing her down at a fast speed.

* I felt her make her way all the way to the birth canal and knew it was close to her being born. At this moment I could tune in on my midwife Matty telling me different things. I started to go up and down on my knees as she was going out. Now again this might not make sense but she was further down and close to out of me than anyone else realized and I was very in tune with what was happening. In fact when I got to pushing I took the gas and air thing out and just did my normal breathing. I could hear Matty saying push and I knew I didn't need to just then but like 5 seconds later was the right time to push, when I got to the ring of fire I could hear everyone saying push but I knew that I just needed to pant and pant and pant to open and stretch slowly so that is what I did. I remember it like this pushhhhhhhhhhhhh oh ok I need to stretch, pant, pant, pant, pant, let her go back inside for a second, pushhhhhhhh oh slow down, pant, pant, pant. (During this time I was being given a few different instructions from Matty but again I decided to trust my instincts). Everyone told me her head was almost out and to give another push but I could feel her moving inside of me, twisting to come out so I just waited patiently and then pushed or helped my body push. Then when everyone was telling me - she almost here, shes almost here I gave one more push and out she came. I remember distinctly thinking (not sure if I said it out loud) No she is here, she is already here. She came out screaming her little lungs out, the water and force of it all was huge like a tidal wave. I just kind of rested on the top of the bed breathing, celebrating to myself she was out but also being amazed at what had just happened. I should mention that my sisters walked in probably when I was crowning. It was marvelous to hear their voices at that moment. So soothing. Then little Talia got passed between my legs and up to me. She was tiny little thing with big lungs and lots of hair. I was euphorically happy. I had to find Joe coz I really wanted to kiss someone and was looking around for anyone. lol. I loved having her in my arms. I was amazed that it was over because it had hurt so much! I was so grateful I did go from a 6 to birthing so quickly. I mean it had only been 30 minutes. Somewhere in their my line was pulled out accidentally and Jenna had to put pressure on my arm.

Sunday, 7 May 2017. 2:40am

She's here!

We're so very blessed to have you with us, baby Talia!

I got turned around and sat down, her cord got cut by her daddy, the placenta came out no trouble and I was free and lucky to escape with no tears or grazes for the second time. (As a side note considering how much I stretched for Lennie and then how much smaller Talia was I think I was just lucky). She laid on my chest crying away while we all marveled at how quickly that had gone down, laughed over different parts, stared at her continuously remarking about which of the kids she looked most like. I loved that she looked so much like her daddy's side. She was weighed (8lbs exactly) and measured (51cms) and checked over (perfect!) She wasn't so interested in the boob but loved sucking her hand. My sisters left about 3:30am and then I was in my room by 5:00am.

5 births, 5 different experiences, 5 beautiful children. We are very blessed x

Countdown to baby #5

I stumbled across my family blog last night when thinking about the fact that Joseph will be 6 tomorrow. I was surprised to find that I went an entire year without writing a single word to the tune of my family. This doesn't mean that I haven't documented anything but with Instagram, Facebook and several other social media things pictures seem to tell all the stories.

However today I am 36 weeks pregnant with my 5th child - another daughter. It has been anything but an easy pregnancy but I think a lot of that is owed to the fact that I am already mothering 4 little ones and am heavier than I have been with any of my other pregnancies.

I guess I should start out by talking about the fact that the year 2015 I actually took control of my weight and lost over 26kgs. It was through an eating program called Cohens. It was a really great program and taught me a lot about portion control and how much we actually can survive off. However it was very very strict. In Jan of 2016 my hubby and I decided it was time to welcome our #5 and most likely last child to the family. We tried and successful fell pregnant. 7 weeks later at my 12 week scan we found out that our dear little child had no heartbeat and I was about to miscarry. It was a horrible experience to go through making it all the way to 12 weeks and ready to tell the world only to find out our sweet child wasn't coming like we thought.

I turned to the only thing that could comfort me - FOOD. I ate myself back to 'normal'. The KFC and McDonalds and Whittakers slowly started to fill this whole and that alone with finding myself through prayer and scripture study brought me out of the darkness. I had gained all the weight I had lost and some but I was feeling like myself again. We went to Hawaii for my brothers wedding in June and I came back rejuvenated. In July I had a conversation with my sister Jenna where we both said that around Christmas we would be ready to try again. Low and behold neither of us waited that long to try and we are now carrying out babies 11 days apart. She is due Anzac day 2017 and I am due May 4th.

My first 12 weeks were a long 12 weeks. I took an early scan and then a 12 week scan and cried when I saw a beautiful little heartbeat. My morning sickness however decided to take on a world of its own and I was sick probably until 26 weeks. I had to learn to depend on others for help in simple things like driving my children to school or making meals for my family. Even cleaning the house was a burden when I could barely move and just wanted to sleep. Even now some mornings I find myself still dry retching or feeling nauseous. My weight has put me categorical into a high risk pregnancy. I have had to do 2 x 2hr glucose tests, visited with the OBGYNs at the hospital and watch my weight carefully. All of these things I knew would happen in the back of my mind as I am pretty sure Hinalei was my only 'normal' size pregnancy but it did feel hard to constantly tell myself I could do this, I could labor naturally and that my baby was going to be alright even if my body wasn't an 'ideal' size for carrying a baby.

My 20 week scan

However at my 34 week appointment with an OBGYN at the hospital they basically gave me the all clear to go for my natural labor but with precautions all set up in the background. So now I am back with Matty and feeling quite serene while we count down these last couple of weeks. We are having a little girl. I will say that it does scare me - the thought of 3 teenage girls but the idea that Lennie will have a little friend the way Joseph and Rawiri have each other makes me feel giddy inside. While we haven't had a lot of income to prepare for this little one I have managed to snag her a few pretty things and sew some nice little things too.

I hope that my labor goes as smoothly as Rawiri and Lennies did and that my body is able to manage the task again. We have talked about this being our last child. While we love welcoming these little spirits we realise also that 5 is a lot to be responsible for mentally, physically, spiritually and financially but who knows - I think I said the same thing after Rawiri.  As far as a name for her goes we are not set on that either and I personally want to see and get to know her little person before making a decision.

31 week scan