However today I am 36 weeks pregnant with my 5th child - another daughter. It has been anything but an easy pregnancy but I think a lot of that is owed to the fact that I am already mothering 4 little ones and am heavier than I have been with any of my other pregnancies.
I guess I should start out by talking about the fact that the year 2015 I actually took control of my weight and lost over 26kgs. It was through an eating program called Cohens. It was a really great program and taught me a lot about portion control and how much we actually can survive off. However it was very very strict. In Jan of 2016 my hubby and I decided it was time to welcome our #5 and most likely last child to the family. We tried and successful fell pregnant. 7 weeks later at my 12 week scan we found out that our dear little child had no heartbeat and I was about to miscarry. It was a horrible experience to go through making it all the way to 12 weeks and ready to tell the world only to find out our sweet child wasn't coming like we thought.
I turned to the only thing that could comfort me - FOOD. I ate myself back to 'normal'. The KFC and McDonalds and Whittakers slowly started to fill this whole and that alone with finding myself through prayer and scripture study brought me out of the darkness. I had gained all the weight I had lost and some but I was feeling like myself again. We went to Hawaii for my brothers wedding in June and I came back rejuvenated. In July I had a conversation with my sister Jenna where we both said that around Christmas we would be ready to try again. Low and behold neither of us waited that long to try and we are now carrying out babies 11 days apart. She is due Anzac day 2017 and I am due May 4th.
My first 12 weeks were a long 12 weeks. I took an early scan and then a 12 week scan and cried when I saw a beautiful little heartbeat. My morning sickness however decided to take on a world of its own and I was sick probably until 26 weeks. I had to learn to depend on others for help in simple things like driving my children to school or making meals for my family. Even cleaning the house was a burden when I could barely move and just wanted to sleep. Even now some mornings I find myself still dry retching or feeling nauseous. My weight has put me categorical into a high risk pregnancy. I have had to do 2 x 2hr glucose tests, visited with the OBGYNs at the hospital and watch my weight carefully. All of these things I knew would happen in the back of my mind as I am pretty sure Hinalei was my only 'normal' size pregnancy but it did feel hard to constantly tell myself I could do this, I could labor naturally and that my baby was going to be alright even if my body wasn't an 'ideal' size for carrying a baby.
My 20 week scan
I hope that my labor goes as smoothly as Rawiri and Lennies did and that my body is able to manage the task again. We have talked about this being our last child. While we love welcoming these little spirits we realise also that 5 is a lot to be responsible for mentally, physically, spiritually and financially but who knows - I think I said the same thing after Rawiri. As far as a name for her goes we are not set on that either and I personally want to see and get to know her little person before making a decision.
31 week scan
