What is it about a gratitude holiday that has you doing so much reflecting and thinking? We are fast approaching the end of 2018 and to be honest I cannot wait to see the end of this year. I think as kids you would reflect on a year and be like "Oh this was the best year ever" and yet as an adult I am like "Man I hope I can forget this year" and yet a year is made up of 100 good moments as well as all the heavy chunky bad moments and without either you wouldn't be where you are right now.
Next year I will have:
A ten-year-old in her last year of primary school
An 8-year-old - baptism time
My 4th child will turn 5 and start school
My baby girl will turn 2 which means we will officially be out of the baby years - like forever
When talking to my currently nine-year-old I realized that she has been in my life for 1/3 of it. I mean that seems super crazy because I feel like I have done so so so much growing this year that it seems crazy I have children growing right alongside me. I guess I didn't think it would be this way, that I would still have so much growing to do while also doing the raising. One of my friends actually commented to me that her 30th year was one of her hardest and looking back now I feel like I 100% agree with her.
I didn't know that in 2018 we would face a redundancy. That was definitely one of the scary things we have ever gone through and really we are not out of the woods as my husband's temporary job finishes Dec 31st. How is that a way to finish 2018? By ending with no job. I really hope that changes in the next 48 days or so.
So I am here staring down the barrel of Christmas with children whose expectations are so very very high (I don't judge them - Christmas should be a little bit magic as a kid) and all I want to do is engulf myself in the part that is about Jesus Christ and the peace he brings. His peace is not the world's peace but he gives it. In his peace, I have felt reassured that he was mindful of us, that he is mindful of me and my worries. In his peace, I have felt love even on days of rejections or "No" from another job interview, in his peace I have felt his love carry me through budgeting and planning and scrimping and saving. Its also carried me through days when I really really just didn't even want to get out of bed.
So yes this week I am thankful - I am thankful I have made it this far, and through this year and that we have been blessed abundantly even through all the trials. I am grateful I am still growing and learning too.
