Update on what's happened since Feb 2018

In a word...plenty!

From memory, the highlights are:

• Joseph turned seven (April 2018)
• Talia's first birthday (May 2018)
• Joe got laid off (August 2018 - worked for the same organisation for the past seven years)
• We seriously considered moving back to the USA
• Joe got snipped 
• Joe got released from his calling as Young Men's President 
• Joe got called to be the Primary Music Leader
• Danielle got released as Counsellor in the Relief Society
• Danielle got called as the President of the Relief Society
• Joe got a temporary job at the Church office which is nearer to where we live. The job ends 31 December. We're staying in New Zealand

I think that covers all the really significant things that we have experienced as a family. I'm so very grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that Jesus Christ is the Savior. The hope that I have in the Savior enabled my family to find positives in life, particularly during the time when I had to look for a new job.

Happy 10 years to us

Happy 10 years to us!

I don't know how a 20 year old and a 23 year old thought that after knowing each other for 6 weeks that getting married would be a good idea. But we did and we decided and from then on we have made the decision to keep on going together. I cannot believe we celebrate 10 years of marriage tomorrow. I can still so clearly remember the first few days of marriage and that first year and then the first baby and so on and on until right now.

What have I learned?
1. Its not like a fairy tale - at all - but it is better
2. You can be 10 years in and still so poor!
3. Waiting until your married for sex is the best decision you can make - no seriously!
4. Honeymoons should not be expensive or include travel - seriously hotel rooms and food is all you need
5. You will sound and act like one of your parents when you fight
6. The saying "Don't go to bed angry" is kind of bullcrap for on some situations, you are probably just tired and in the morning realise it didn't actually matter
7. Men can fall to sleep irregardless of whether your fighting or not
8. Supporting each other means so many different things to so many different situations
9. Some of those men/women cliques are totally true
10. Date night at home is a thing and should be cherished
11. Getting your children in a routine is super vital to a marriage
12. Some years I need flowers and gifts and other years it ok that we do nothing
13. Holding hands and hugging and cuddling on the couch is still important
14. Fights can be ugly and you know exactly what makes them tick and choosing to use it to make yourself feel better is not cool - even if you are raging mad
15. Raising kids is a make or break you thing - communicate!
16. Money is a super struggle - try not to fight about it - set aside time and be open about it
17. Support each others hobbies and passions
18. Support time out and days of rest, sleep or doing nothing around the house
19. Pray together
20. Seek out each other first and share things with each other first - its what keeps you best friends
21. Learn each others love language and go out of your way to use it even if is awkward for you.
22. Say I love you when you leave
23. Don't take them for granted - their are solo parents out there doing the bath time, bedtime and clean up all by themselves
24. Talk about the hard stuff
25. Go to the temple together to do sealings so you can hear the words again
26. Support each other in church callings - try not to murmur about to many nights out
27. Share your failures
28. Accept compliments - they might stop if you always disregard them
29. Pray for your spouse - you know you're a handful sometimes
30. Love is way way cooler when it is deeper. Its like an unseen foundation that helps you realise you can depend on this person - to be your person.
31. Realise your spouse isn't in charge of making you happy - they are human and make mistakes. Give them grace, give yourself grace, give your marriage grace and know that God wants your marriage to succeed.
32. Realise that you both change over time, be ok with those changes (within boundaries) and realise you have changed too
33. Love your spouse and fall back in love with them as often as you can
34. Be open to trying new things in bed - its fun - or if not you don't have to do it again
35. Sometimes stuff sucks and leaning on each other and crying together is way better than laying blame and sleeping separately
36. Babies cry, toddlers scream and kids talk back - support each other through it all and take turns you both are tired or hungry.
37. Its not a competition to be right - it only makes for a dumb couple of hours/days
38. Don't bottle things up - it makes for dumb fights and mean words
39. Take time apart and listen to others share about their marriage - even one has stuff
40. Share cool marriage, child raising, love, friendship, quotes/articles with each other. You can both learn from it and maybe share unthought of insights.
41. Find favourite shows and enjoy them together - they are good for laundry folding or late night hang out times
42. Make out often!
43. Admit your wrong and apologise even if it grates against every fibre of your being
44. Have fun together!

Heres to 10 more years. Hopeful we come out of the next 10 years less poor than we are now - but we are rich in love and children!

Thank Joseph for an awesome Journey - can't wait to see where life takes us next
xx

Talia is 6 no wait 7 months old

Hi!

Yes the time is forever rushing forward and now my little girl has passed half of her first year of life. She is a chunky bubbly happy baby! No teeth have made their appearance though we have had plenty of runny nose and moody days to boot. She is sitting up strong and can go onto her belly, roll over and is trying the crawling thing but mostly ends up shuffling backwards which frustrates her so much as she puts herself out of reach of the toy she wants.

She is still a mummy girl and lights my day when I go in to pick her up for a nap or when we are shopping and she begging to be taken out of the trolley. She is tolerance of her many brothers and sisters who constantly vi for her attention but sometimes lets them know to just leave her alone. Following advice from my sister with twins  I began settling her around 5 months to sleep on her own and it has worked out a treat. She is waking at 7am and feeding and is down around 9am then up again at 11am and down at 1pm and then up until bedtime at 7pm. She has a 'dream feed' yes that is real and very helpful thing at 11pm but stays down and only needs about 2 'put the dummy back in' and shhh shhhhs and so we are both getting a lot of much needed catch up sleep. On Mondays, Thursday and Fridays when the others are in school we do fun things together like shop, go out to eat or sometimes just wash and fold laundry. She doesn't seem to mind and enjoys anything as long as I am in the room. Several times I have found she will roll over and over to get close to me while I am doing my day to day stuff.

She enjoys the water and loves to put anything straight into her mouth. He taking to solids as far as I can remember is the best of the lot. She started out eating a TBSP each meal and is now up to 1 pouch her meal. She doesn't gag and even without teeth she figures out away to get bread, nuggets, eggs and other foods down. Her pinch reflex is very advanced and I am constantly telling her to tell her spirit to slow down because it is more advanced than her human body age (insert giggle here).

All in all she is a little darling and we love our chunky face so much <3 p="">

Sometimes the heavy is real...

So right now the heavy is real.
I am a parent to 5 children and currently this is my life.

Monday Rawiri was sick with vomiting.
Wednesday Hinalei had ballet and a choir performance.
Tuesday/Wednesday Talia has had conjunctivitis
Wednesday Joseph started vomiting to. Thats 4 out of 5 that have had it now. 
Wednesday I made cinnamon rolls to sell so I could drive down to Taranaki to support the 1st birthday of my sisters twins because she moved 3 months ago but I need her to know we still have her back.
I was away from Talia for 4 hours to support Hinalei and her choir effort
Joseph vomited 2 times while I was gone and is warm to the touch.
I haven't made it to exercise because of my well children which means I have put them first over and over this week and missed my time to breathe, exercise and let it be about for an hour a day.

Sometimes the heavy is real.
I pray for my sister in law to get pregnant.
I worry for a different sister in law who is pregnant and has a 5 month old.
Collectively these are all small things but together they are heavy.

Do I wanna see Rawiri 5 heading off to school everyday 5 days a week. Yes! but No. I still can smell his baby smell and hear his cry and remember his dependance on me for the first 6 months of his life. I remember his 1st birthday which I way over did and then all of his subsequence McDonalds birthdays because that is what he asks for.

Tonight Talia sat up in her bath and splashed and there in my mind is the image of each of my five children reaching this milestone, sitting and splashing in the bath and now they are 8, 6, 5 and 3. Talia is six months but man is growing fast. 
Lennie is using full sentences and is sassy as heck but still wants a dummy and cuddles and to steal snacks from the fridge.
Joseph hates being sick. He is so use to following a set of his own rules and sickness means he cannot control whats going on or whats happening. Everything just comes to a halt and he stares at me as if to say why?
Hinalei is so full of ambition and confidence and so I try to nurture that while ignoring the enormous strain it puts on our budget so that she knows we have her back.

All of this is heavy.
But it is a good heavy.
A grateful heavy.
A heavy I don't wanna trade because its my heavy.

So while it feels very real and full and heavy thats OK.

Give yourself grace

In my prayers last night I was struggling to explain to the Lord that my relationship with my errr 3 year old was not good. I was tired of being a grumpy mother and feeling like I was constantly disciplining her only to find her later repeating the same thing. So I went to bed hoping to get a good night sleep. BUT in reality my little five month old decided she wanted to switch the day and night around and from about 2:40am till 5:20am she was wide awake and a box full of birds. I had just recently read an article about a mother who struggled for 9 months with getting her baby to sleep through the night only to be told by a doctor that some babies just take longer and that she was in fact doing nothing wrong. The lady talked about how much she treasured the time from then on snuggling and cuddling with her baby at night time knowing that she had done everything right and that this too shall pass. So for me last night ended up being time to play and cuddle and kiss and love on my little 5 month old knowing that she is in fact a wonderful little sleeper and perhaps she just needed it. I gave her grace, after all I could do I allowed her and myself to have grace and to let things come what may and you know what after one final nurse she went off to sleep and stayed down until 8am.

However it was in these wee hours... and I know I have heard it before that the wee hours are the best for inspiration that the Lord whispered to me that I have to give my 3 year old the same grace. After all I thought isn't that what I am asking for every time I make a mistake everyday? Isn't the Lord a lot like me - asking me to please behave, to stop the curse words in my head when I drive, or those ones that slip out around the kids, or the times I don't serve even though I know its the right thing to do but how with my plate so full? Am I not asking him to accept me. So in those wee hours I realised that I need to give my 3 year old grace, to let her make some mistakes over and over and keep guiding her and leading her (much like my Heavenly Father does with me) and over time it will change. Isn't it wonderful? The power of prayer to one mother in one corner of  the globe who is struggling and he will answer you. It will probably mean work - I mean this is something I am going to have to practice at for the next several weeks but I know this is the answer for me and miss 3. So give yourself some grace, with mothering, with being a wife, with finances, with scripture study or your calling or your weight loss. Allow yourself and others room to make mistakes and see where it takes you when you are not trying to control the situation.